As I'm sure everyone knows by now, we were trying endlessly (and failing endlessly, too) to buy a house down in the Phoenix area. It was frustrating and heartbreaking and exhausting. I would be lying if I said I wasn't completely overwhelmed and questioning whether or not we would be living on the streets.
When we found this apartment, we were still planning on vigorously searching for a house. Purchasing a home instead of renting for four (or more) years makes perfect sense, personally and financially. But once we got here, we both started feeling like we were supposed to stay here.
It reminded me a lot of when we first started talking about coming down to Arizona in the first place. Neither of us wanted to come here for Travis's interview, but we did. Afterward, we were both individually growing attached to Arizona, but neither of us said anything at first; we thought the other didn't want to have anything to do with this place. But we were being prompted to realize that this was the right place for us, for whatever reason. And after more discussion and prayer, we knew that it was.
The same thing now has happened with this apartment. We both started to come to this conclusion individually, and then we talked it out and made the decision together. One of the biggest indicators to me that this is right is how at peace I feel with this choice. I would not have been ok with being in an apartment two weeks ago. But now there's nowhere else I'd want to be. That transformation in my attitude is still a little odd to me, and there's a part of me that can't help but continually point out the financial benefits of buying a home instead of renting. But in spite of those things, I'm still ok. I'm better than ok. I'm happy and content and at peace.
It's a decision that may not seem to make a lot of sense to other people, even those who are very close to us and our situation. But that's the thing about personal inspiration. It's personal. No one else could make that decision for us, and no one else should be trying to.
It seems like almost every major decision I've made in my life has been one that doesn't appear to be the logical choice. Whether it was going to school at Penn, moving out to BYU, choosing to stay home now...there was always somebody (and oftentimes myself as well) questioning whether I should really be doing what I was. But each of those decisions was one I was led to by the Lord, and one I had prayed and prayed about, and for whatever reason, I knew it was right. Those decisions have led me to my husband and that happiest times of my life. And even though they were terrifying, and I still don't fully understand some of the reasons behind them, I know that I was following the path I'd been led to by the Lord. And that gives me strength.
We may never know why we're supposed to stay in this apartment right now when, on paper, this decision seems to be completely wrong. But we're following the promptings and the confirmations we've received, and that's all we need. We have each other, and we have our faith.
Nothing else matters.
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