LISTENING & ACTING

A couple weeks ago we had a very ... somber ... experience. On Tuesday evening, Travis called his parents to ask them about some travel plans for months down the road. Before he could even ask a question, though, his mother told him that one of best friends from high school had passed away just a few hours before.

It was a jarring revelation for Travis ... the last thing he expected to hear, and so devastating. As we were both absorbing this news, I felt very strongly that we should make our way back to Iowa for the service. I asked Travis if that was something he wanted to do, and he said it was.

As we were debating about whether we needed to just get in the car that night and start driving or if we could wait until the next morning, we were trying to communicate with Travis's family to find out what plans were being made. Late that night they told us that there might not even be a public service, but that they would let us know first thing the next morning.

Even as Travis was relaying that message to me, while he was still on the phone with his dad, I still couldn't shake the impression that we needed to go to Iowa. I talked to Travis about this, and told him that I was more than willing to go and be with his family and friends, whether there was a public service or not. We talked about what he thought we should do, keeping in mind that he would be missing several days of school if we went.

I continued to talk to Travis about how I felt, but told him that it was his decision. He thought about it for a while, and decided that if there wasn't a service, we would stay home. We got a call in the morning (which was Wednesday), saying that the family had decided against a public memorial.

So that was that. We tried to stick to our routine the next couple days, but this was really all we could think about.

Then, on Thursday night, Travis's dad called to say that, after they had had some time to think about it, the family decided to have a service after all. Friday afternoon.

I was shocked. And so upset with myself. There was absolutely no way we could get there at this point (the driving time from Glendale to Des Moines is 24 hours, not including stops). We had missed our chance.

I had known that we should go. I had very clearly and very strongly felt that prompting. And I had known that I needed to vocalize that impression. So I did. But I didn't stand by it like I should have. I felt that, as long as I told Travis that I had the impression, we could continue to talk and discuss and then make an informed decision. A decision that I agreed to, which completely went against what I felt in my heart.

And then I found out why I'd felt that way. If I'd stood behind my conviction, we would have been in Iowa and able to attend the service that Travis had really wanted to be at.

That was a real lesson to me. I had thought I was following the promptings I'd received, but I wasn't. We have to follow the guidance we receive 100%, not just halfway. Because, as I learned, halfway is really the same as nothing.

We've got to truly stand by what we feel, and follow through with it. It's not enough to just acknowledge the prompting.

I thought I knew that.

I certainly know now. And I'm not going to forget next time.